Heavy in your arms

Florence and the machine-Heavy in your arms

I didn't realize I was the chain that held you
The bullet that pushed you over the edge
I'm so heavy
The words I spit out care less, but real
"I love You" whispered and immediately you thrash in your slumber
your solemn lull, the opus state I've put you in
And yet you smile and say the same
Because you killing me too
The trigger pressed cold against my chest, no mercy
The light from your eyes fades
Gone from when we first collided
When I might have loved and been able to love
All I know now is the weight
The heavy heart; the lead inside my numb mind
I scream but you can't hear
You're already gone, already released
But you remain the ghost of my beloved

hide and seek

we play a constant game of hide and seek
tucked under the carpet we leave the filth...
of our lives and who we avoid being:
the broken ones
who speak to amuse and to meet the status quo
one comment for the day to prove we're "normal"
but inside we want to scream
about the nothingness that consumes us for fear of being..
too much or too little
the hole that plagues and grows deeper
at each doubtful, looming thought
we are the ones who play the game
even when it threatens our very lives
we live to please;
live to hide and seek
we hide who we are
and seek who we want to be
knowing neither will ever be enough
this cycle is minimized to a worthy size
a speck of what it would be if we were to admit it
that we are broken and we are searching
playing the game of those we see

Ecology Class

I'm tired of cushion plants and homeotherms!!!!!

I will dream of you tonight

I will dream of you tonight, and wake up in the morn, crisp, anew, drought with hope that will instantly dim and fade as the shadows from the night's affair pass away. the hum of the morning; the slow silence gets louder; filled with a sigh for the nightmare that is reality. stumbling back into it; thrust by the crash of the alarm plundering my mind for the sweet release to consciousness. it's alright...the jump of my heart last only for a moment... and then the calm and sudden shift. the mirror before me shows a girl with dreams still in her eyes and a heavy heart in her chest. she is burdened. but she cannot remain thus, she is living; she must move on and out of bed, reach the shower stall and the front door and try to forget her burden; her subconscious love, hiding in her bedroom head, never to get out alive. only a memory that has never occurred. only a dream that will fade, half remembered. only something she can see for a moment, then gone, gone, gone... 

Redondo

i went to the beach last night
got back at 5 am
i realized a few things
between midnight and the morning
the sea is different at night
i understanding the moaning of creation better now
i might even say absolutely
its waves crash to the sandy floor in a uniform layer
like the tired creak of an old house
powerful and annoyed
it was magic

breathe

pain is strange when it lingers
it enables one to feel sorry for themselves
in any given situation
one finds themselves slipping into self misery
it gets easier and easier when one remembers the lingering throb
its like a catalyst to self pity
even if the throbbing is internal
in your head or on your heart
it still hurts just the same
it burns with the same notes
but it lasts a lot longer
but one should remember
self pity gets one nowhere
one has no excuse for their folly, only grace abounds
this grace should fill in the weak spots in our mind, in our lives
in our hearts that quiver at the darkness of earthly life
if one were to stop it
just stop feeling the sadness so unnecessarily
and rejoice in the gift one has from God to continue to breathe
simple breath we take for granted
when one feels the pain
sharp and steep
one inhales and exhales
defended and does not remember that they are alive

Husband

Husband
Be kind
Humor me...
Love me like a friend
See me wholly for the sake of Christ
Hold my hand laced not cupped
My friends can do that just as well.
Do nothing overly indulgent on Valentine's
Maybe even forget the "holiday" exists
Don't kill me softly
Like the last, the ones before
Give me a long leash
One tight enough to keep me sane
Honor me as a sister in our dear LORD
Keep me safe, by night and by day
Shut me up when I need to hear my silence
Or even when you are tired of hearing me talk
Let me write, let me love, let me
sing and dance with the rhythm of life
And I'll be happy.
Take me to Paris once or twice
You'll earn some extra points for that
But don't think extravagance is the way to my heart 
Be simple, be content in the LORD
And I, I should come second
But first in the light of men.
Husband, I say again
Be kind.

Summer Love

Can I tell you what's been hiding
Lurking behind my eyes?
It's hungry for it's release
Washing over its murky brown cage
Escaping when the warden:
Emotion can't control it
Shadows in the light
Willowing, coldly
It's connected to this heart of flesh
Causing it to quiver with each solemn beat
If I show you will you laugh?
I'm afraid of my defeat...
Would it ruin "This thing we have"
If I strengthened what I've said
Through the weak, wet tears
Running from my eyes instead
Too late for that
You're leaving disgusted, afraid of me
This stupid, wild girl
Crying to make you see 

Me

i sing while i sleep
i cant whistle a tune
i catch fire just as easily as anyone else would
but i chose not to burn out so quickly
am i pretty?
i scratch like a cat
i sting like a bee
if you asked if i loved you
id gladly agree
am i pretty?
if i stand on my head
will i then see you clearly
or will you still simple pass on by
will the labels that label me
be reduced down to one
("Child of God")
or will you continue to pile them high
if i greet you in surplus or smile every second
will my beauty increase by the hour or minute?
if i ask you to see me
i mean really look at me
will you honestly answer my question?
am i pretty?
ive asked you three times now
three times is enough
i wouldnt ask you ever again
your tongue in tied up in your vain pretense
ill live with the label ill always love the best

Dilemma

I got this magazine today and on the cover splashed in vibrant blue was the phrase
"Get Naturally Pretty".........................
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??1?1/1/1!#$^$%@

Questions for a modern girl

If you had to choose and were given the choice would you be a house wife? would you give it all away and stop pursuing your dreams just to live in a house with a husband and a few kids, maybe a dog? would you let your mind waste no longer able to be schooled or tempered by university? the thinking classes. those are the best; the ones where you can say almost anything and think you have contributed to society in some small way. do you think either would satisfy you? being "in the home" or being "educated". are you a 50's woman or a 70's woman? does it matter in the 21st century?

02/04/11

If people had an expiration date it would be so much easier for me to deal with them. I would humor people a lot more, knowing the numbers on their forehead(because that is where the dates would go) would be inching closer and closer to matching the date on the calender and then I would feel good about myself for being nice to them before they spoiled and had to be thrown away. i would love them and appreciate them, taking them for all they are worth but when the date grew too close for me to continue to comfortably enjoy them i would put them off knowing they would be no good soon. but, alas! people are just people and you can't throw them away even when they are mean, manipulative, stupid or naive, arrogant, annoying or all of those lovely qualities put together in one person. even when that person is you don't throw yourself away. don't ruin it because you tired or angry or sick of being human. He didn't give up and i know you thank Him for that, or at least you should.

Krista in Wonderland

If I were Alice
I would have never have talked to Tweedle
Dee or Dum
If I were Alice
I would have invented something
With the Knights' help
Or maybe even just stolen his helmet
If I were Alice
I would have never stopped running
With the Red Queen
Even though she ran too fast
And never got anywhere
If I were Alice
I would have never left Wonderland once
Let alone twice
I would have stayed there forever
Drinking tea I could never sip
Shopping for things I could never quite see
In a shop owned by a Knitting Sheep
I would have been content to live in the forest
Where no one knows what they are
Because maybe then I would forget
That the closest thing to wonderland
Is worlds away
A dream

ON GOD

I HAVE A THEORY GOD IS SIMPLE
IT'S US HUMANS THAT MAKE HIM SEEM COMPLEX
TRAPPED BY SIN, WOUND UP IN OUR BEINGS
HE HAS TO BE COMPLEX
BECAUSE OF THE COMPLEX BATTLE
THAT RAGES WITHIN US TO DENY HIM
BUT GOD IS SIMPLE
HE IS THE CREATOR
AND WE ARE THE CREATED
STANDING IN AWE
IF WE KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR US

when you feet feel like lead

When your feet feel like lead
You know you've pushed yourself too far
But the earth keeps spinning
Grinding heavily against the need you have
To stand still.
Because the truth of the matter is
You know you must keep going
Keep striving
Past the aching, the numb and the just plain hurt
To get where you need to go
Or rather, just where you're "supposed to be".
And when you feel you can't go on

You look up to find strength
And there it will be,
Crisp as the morning
Keep it and you'll survive
Lose it and you will live, striving
Remember it and you will find the remedy
That kills the ache every time. 

"Quote"

"People that i don't know very well i smile at
politely
people that i do know
i frown at
unsympatetically."
[end quote]