Heavy in your arms

Florence and the machine-Heavy in your arms

I didn't realize I was the chain that held you
The bullet that pushed you over the edge
I'm so heavy
The words I spit out care less, but real
"I love You" whispered and immediately you thrash in your slumber
your solemn lull, the opus state I've put you in
And yet you smile and say the same
Because you killing me too
The trigger pressed cold against my chest, no mercy
The light from your eyes fades
Gone from when we first collided
When I might have loved and been able to love
All I know now is the weight
The heavy heart; the lead inside my numb mind
I scream but you can't hear
You're already gone, already released
But you remain the ghost of my beloved

hide and seek

we play a constant game of hide and seek
tucked under the carpet we leave the filth...
of our lives and who we avoid being:
the broken ones
who speak to amuse and to meet the status quo
one comment for the day to prove we're "normal"
but inside we want to scream
about the nothingness that consumes us for fear of being..
too much or too little
the hole that plagues and grows deeper
at each doubtful, looming thought
we are the ones who play the game
even when it threatens our very lives
we live to please;
live to hide and seek
we hide who we are
and seek who we want to be
knowing neither will ever be enough
this cycle is minimized to a worthy size
a speck of what it would be if we were to admit it
that we are broken and we are searching
playing the game of those we see

Ecology Class

I'm tired of cushion plants and homeotherms!!!!!

I will dream of you tonight

I will dream of you tonight, and wake up in the morn, crisp, anew, drought with hope that will instantly dim and fade as the shadows from the night's affair pass away. the hum of the morning; the slow silence gets louder; filled with a sigh for the nightmare that is reality. stumbling back into it; thrust by the crash of the alarm plundering my mind for the sweet release to consciousness. it's alright...the jump of my heart last only for a moment... and then the calm and sudden shift. the mirror before me shows a girl with dreams still in her eyes and a heavy heart in her chest. she is burdened. but she cannot remain thus, she is living; she must move on and out of bed, reach the shower stall and the front door and try to forget her burden; her subconscious love, hiding in her bedroom head, never to get out alive. only a memory that has never occurred. only a dream that will fade, half remembered. only something she can see for a moment, then gone, gone, gone... 

Redondo

i went to the beach last night
got back at 5 am
i realized a few things
between midnight and the morning
the sea is different at night
i understanding the moaning of creation better now
i might even say absolutely
its waves crash to the sandy floor in a uniform layer
like the tired creak of an old house
powerful and annoyed
it was magic

breathe

pain is strange when it lingers
it enables one to feel sorry for themselves
in any given situation
one finds themselves slipping into self misery
it gets easier and easier when one remembers the lingering throb
its like a catalyst to self pity
even if the throbbing is internal
in your head or on your heart
it still hurts just the same
it burns with the same notes
but it lasts a lot longer
but one should remember
self pity gets one nowhere
one has no excuse for their folly, only grace abounds
this grace should fill in the weak spots in our mind, in our lives
in our hearts that quiver at the darkness of earthly life
if one were to stop it
just stop feeling the sadness so unnecessarily
and rejoice in the gift one has from God to continue to breathe
simple breath we take for granted
when one feels the pain
sharp and steep
one inhales and exhales
defended and does not remember that they are alive

Husband

Husband
Be kind
Humor me...
Love me like a friend
See me wholly for the sake of Christ
Hold my hand laced not cupped
My friends can do that just as well.
Do nothing overly indulgent on Valentine's
Maybe even forget the "holiday" exists
Don't kill me softly
Like the last, the ones before
Give me a long leash
One tight enough to keep me sane
Honor me as a sister in our dear LORD
Keep me safe, by night and by day
Shut me up when I need to hear my silence
Or even when you are tired of hearing me talk
Let me write, let me love, let me
sing and dance with the rhythm of life
And I'll be happy.
Take me to Paris once or twice
You'll earn some extra points for that
But don't think extravagance is the way to my heart 
Be simple, be content in the LORD
And I, I should come second
But first in the light of men.
Husband, I say again
Be kind.